A perspective piece by James Davis – a member of our Initiative
Let’s face it, most of us just aren’t as physically active as we used to be. Many men now work in offices and since Covid and increase in working
from home has meant that even the sparse exercise of the commute has gone out the window.
Well that matters because as human beings we’re designed to be in motion, when we’re sedentary for prolonged periods there can be an obvious impact on our physical health, but also on our psychological wellbeing and even hormonal health.
The lie we often tell ourselves its that we’re busy taking care of business: looking after everyone and everything else, our careers, businesses, families, finances, cars, houses and that when we have time we’ll look after ourselves.
The research suggests that for men there’s an increased risk because we’re slower to ask for help than women when we sense something is wrong. So we’ll put off the health check, ignore the niggling injury.
We’ll keep working when we’re exhausted, have another drink because it’s been a long week and keep telling ourselves we’ll get back on track when things calm down.
The trouble is, things rarely calm down and while perhaps we can get away with this stuff when we’re younger, somewhere around our 40s and 50s, the things we’ve been getting away with for years can start to catch up with us.
That’s why I think we need to look at men’s health differently.
It’s not just about getting fitter or losing a bit of weight. It’s about physical health, emotional wellbeing and psychological resilience, because all three are connected.
What’s happening physically?
As men get older, there are a number of hormonal and physiological changes taking place.
Testosterone gradually declines with age. We also start to lose muscle mass, recovery becomes slower, body fat becomes easier to gain and things like energy, libido and sleep can change.
For some men these changes are barely noticeable. For others, they can have a significant impact, hitting confidence, increasing anxiety, altering self-image negatively and impacting libido and relationships.
This is one of the reasons I think we need to have much better conversations about men’s hormonal health and what happens during midlife.
Too often a man starts feeling tired, flat, less motivated, puts on some weight, loses some confidence and thinks:
“Well, I suppose this is just what happens when you get older.”
Maybe, and we should look at stress factor, but it’s also worth looking at what you can actually do about it before simply accepting it.
Use it or lose it
The old phrase is pretty accurate when it comes to ageing. If you want to maintain muscle and strength, you need to use your muscles.
Resistance training becomes increasingly important as we get older, alongside cardiovascular exercise for heart health and overall fitness.
But this is also where I think men sometimes get it wrong. You don’t necessarily need to train harder and harder, you need to train intelligently.
When you’re 25, you can probably do a heavy weights session, go out drinking that night, get five hours’ sleep and somehow turn up for a run the next morning.
At 50, that same approach might leave you walking like John Wayne for three days.
Recovery doesn’t just matter, it’s vital.
Shorter, more focused sessions can be incredibly effective. Resistance training, some higher-intensity cardio, walking and generally moving more are all useful.
The aim is to keep your body strong and capable rather than simply chasing a number on the scales.
Nutrition matters more than it used to
Most of us can get away with a pretty average diet when we’re younger. That cheeseburger and beers blowout is easily worked off. But then as we get older the same food starts producing a different result.
The few extra pints become a few extra kilos. The takeaway that used to disappear by Monday is still hanging around on Wednesday.
Part of this is the changes in our metabolism and body composition as we age. So this is a good time to become a little more deliberate about what you’re eating.
Prioritise protein, whole foods, fibre and plenty of plants. Be aware of your alcohol intake and the amount of highly processed food and added sugar you’re consuming.
You don’t need to become obsessed with nutrition.
But if your diet consists mainly of beige food, beer and whatever happens to be available at the airport, there’s probably some room for improvement.
Then there’s stress
This is a big one.
Because you can be doing everything right in the gym and still be undermining your health if you’re permanently stressed. This is a mistake I see a lot. Men trying to out-train their stress not realising they’re actually making it worse.
Many men spend their 40s and 50s juggling careers, businesses, children, ageing parents, mortgages and relationships.
We’re effectively running multiple operating systems at the same time, and then we wonder why we’re tired.
Chronic stress has a significant impact on the body. Persistently elevated cortisol can affect sleep, appetite, metabolism, mood and concentration.
This is where physical and psychological health start to overlap.
If you’re constantly stressed, sleeping badly, eating poorly and barely moving, it’s not surprising that you don’t feel particularly good, but sometimes the answer isn’t another supplement, it’s looking at what’s actually going on in your life.
Men’s mental health matters too
This is the bit I think we still don’t talk about enough. A man can be physically fit and still be struggling.
He can be successful at work and still feel lost. He can have a great family and still feel lonely.
He can look absolutely fine from the outside and have absolutely no idea what he’s doing with the next ten years of his life.
I’ve seen this many times in my coaching work, and it’s really common in high performers. That mask of competence that’s firmly in place but underneath the man himself is cracking.
And I think part of the problem is that men are often not particularly good at talking about what’s going on until things have become quite difficult.
We’re often encouraged to be resilient, and we should be, but resilience doesn’t mean suppressing everything and carrying on regardless.
It means learning to build the capacity to deal with what’s happening, and part of that is learning when to share the load, to dissipate the tension.
That might mean talking to your partner, or a mate.
Working with a coach, seeing a therapist, or just being honest and admitting to yourself that something isn’t right.
You don’t have to wait until you’re in crisis.
What about emotional health?
As we get older, our lives change. The values that drove us in our twenties – are they still valid? How has life altered them without us realising?
We might get divorced, become an empty nester, change jobs or realise that the career we spent 20 years building isn’t actually what we want anymore. So many times I work with men who’ve achieved amazing things in their careers, but they feel unfulfilled. Well the goal they were aiming for was informed by their values when they started out.
Now that goal is no longer aligned with their values, which have shifted. These things can have a much bigger emotional impact than we sometimes realise.
And this is where I use an exercise with clients that I call Life Equilibrium.
I ask them to look at four areas:
Body & Health.
Work & Finance.
Relationships.
Self.
Then we look at an energy audit – we loo at where you’re currently putting your energy, where you’d like to be putting it. What’s energising you, what’s draining you and the balance of the two – you’d be surprised how often that is off.
The results can be quite revealing. A lot of men are putting huge amounts of energy into work and finance, while their health, relationships and themselves get whatever is left over.
What’s your why?
When it comes to changing your health, motivation helps, but motivation isn’t particularly reliable. It tends to disappear somewhere between Monday morning and Wednesday afternoon.
What matters more is understanding why you actually want to make the change.
“I want to lose weight” isn’t really a why.
Why do you want to lose weight?
Maybe you want to feel more confident.
Why?
Maybe because you’ve stopped feeling like yourself.
Why does that matter?
Maybe it’s affecting your relationship.
Keep going until you get to the thing that actually matters to you.
Because that’s what gives the goal some emotional weight.
And when it’s raining, you’re tired and the gym is the last place you want to be, that’s what you’re going to need. So whatever your goal is, work out your emotional connection to it, your real reason for wanting it.
Your relationships are part of your health
One of the things that can happen to men as they get older is that our social circle gets smaller. The research backs this up – in fact we’re getting lonelier despite “social” media.
Men are worse than women at maintaining their social networks and they tend to get worse at it as they age, isolating themselves more and more.
There’s a lot of research around the importance of social connection and loneliness, but you don’t need a scientific paper to understand the basic principle:
Having people around you matters. Community matters. Connection matters.
Don’t underestimate that.
You don’t need to overhaul your life
One of the big misconceptions I see is the belief that big changes are needed to yield big results. The good news is that improving your health doesn’t require you to disappear to a monastery, give up carbohydrates and spend two hours in the gym every day.
Start with the basics.
Move your body regularly.
Lift some weights.
Get your cardiovascular fitness up.
Eat more protein and whole foods.
Drink a little less.
Get enough sleep.
Manage your stress.
Spend time with people you care about.
Have some idea of what you’re actually working towards.
And pay attention to what’s going on in your head.
None of this is particularly revolutionary, that’s partly the point.
The difficult bit isn’t knowing what to do, most of us know what to do but struggle with applying it. Start prioritising yourself and have a plan for this stuff.
Remembers, looking after your health isn’t selfish and it it’s not a priority for you, it should be. Don’t think of it as just in the physical plane, what are you doing for your psychological and emotional health?
Ultimately, ask yourself this: are you showing up as the man you want to be? If not then what are you going to do about it? Don’t start tomorrow, next week, start now. Your future self with thank you for it and you be surprised about how many dimensions of your life: career, relationships, health improve as a result.
